The way I loved you
by BangelBabe
Summary: Sunnydale is gone, but life goes on for Buffy Summers as normal until she gets an unexpected visitor on her doorstep. Oneshot.


**A/N: For the sake of this oneshot, Riley's wife doesn't exist and Buffy and Riley didn't reunite in "As you were." **

"Will, I'm so proud of you!" Buffy gushed to her best friend over the phone as she read over the graduation announcement for the hundredth time that day.

"It's really not that impressive, Buff. I-it took nearly six years to get my degree." Willow stated modestly.

Buffy scoffed. "Will please, you helped me save the world how many times? And you're upset because you weren't able to juggle college courses on top of that like some sort of super woman? You are way too hard on yourself."

Buffy could hear Willow laughing on the other end and smiled to herself as Willow spoke again, "So the commencement is super early and I don't really expect anyone to go, but Kennedy is planning a huge party afterward that everyone is welcome to attend."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. And I want to go to the commencement as well! I don't care how early it is, it's not every day my best friend graduates from college!" Buffy insisted.

"Okay, but if you feel like backing out at any time I wouldn't be upset," Willow said.

"I'll keep that in mind. So I'll see you this weekend?"

"Yep, oh and before I forget, there's this really awesome club here in LA that we have to stop by while you're here. You wouldn't believe it Buffy; it's just like The Bronze!" Willow enthused.

"I hope not! I don't plan on doing any slaying while I'm there." Buffy joked and they both shared a laugh before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Just as Buffy was placing her phone back in its cradle, she heard a knock at her door. Since she hadn't been expecting anyone, she figured she would clear them off her front porch so that she could take a nice, hot bath to unwind for the day.

As soon as she opened the door, Buffy froze. She stared at the tall man before her, his blue-green eyes staring back at her with an intensity that sent a chill down her spine. After a few moments of silence, she breathed his name, "Riley."

It was a name she hadn't spoken, let alone thought, in years yet here he was, standing on her front porch, gazing at her with those beautiful, insistent eyes, willing her to continue. "W-what are you doing here?" Buffy stammered. She could feel her pulse quickening as the words left her lips.

"It's sort of a long story," Riley began, "Can I come in?"

Buffy stood in the doorway for another few moments, processing his words. She wasn't entirely positive that she wasn't dreaming right now. She had imagined this moment countless times, but never in her wildest dreams would she ever have believed it would actually happen. Slowly, Buffy backed away from the door and beckoned her ex inside.

When Riley was in the house, Buffy closed the door and led him into the living room, only glancing away from him long enough to watch where she was stepping. Buffy sat on the sofa while Riley stood awkwardly on the other side of the coffee table from her as she watched him resolutely.

After another uncomfortable minute in silence, Riley spoke up, "May I sit?"

Buffy nodded her head absentmindedly, subtly biting the inside of her cheek to see if she was in fact dreaming. She was not. Riley moved toward the armchair beside the sofa and sat down, never taking his eyes off of her.

"So how have you been?" Riley asked trying to sound smooth, though Buffy could hear the unsteadiness in his voice.

Buffy bit back a laugh. Was he really making small talk right now?

Picking up on her apprehension, Riley sighed, "I know that no apology could ever make up for the way I left, so I'm not here to apologize. Leaving Sunnydale and walking out on you was the biggest mistake of my life."

Buffy fought to keep a straight face so that her emotions would not give her away as Riley continued.

"Buffy, I love you more than anything on this Earth. The only future I can imagine involves you," Riley cleared his throat, as if he was fighting back tears, "When I gave you that ultimatum, I was stupid and naïve. At the time I thought that you didn't love me, but I've come to realize that wasn't true. You had friends, family, and saving the world to think about. The only thing I thought about was you. I was selfish and lovesick; blind to what was really important. I don't care if you don't show me affection anymore. Hell, if you never look at me the same way again I wouldn't be disappointed. I just need you to know that I will always regret the way things ended between us and if you will give me a chance to just be your friend, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for all the ways that I've wronged you."

All while he spoke and after he had finished Riley held eye contact with Buffy. There was silence for several long minutes and Riley was beginning to think he made a mistake; that their relationship could not be salvaged, but then Buffy began to speak.

"I was there." The words were so quiet Riley almost didn't catch them as they tumbled out of her mouth.

"Where were you?" He asked.

Buffy could feel hot tears threatening at the backs of her eyes. "The night you left. I was a minute too late, but I was there."

Riley leaned closer to Buffy. "I didn't know…"

"You wouldn't." Buffy stated harshly before softening her tone, "I screamed until my lungs burned, but the helicopter must've drowned me out. I kept hoping you would happen to glance down, but you didn't. I hated myself for not realizing sooner that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me. I blew my one shot at happiness." A single tear slid down her cheek.

Riley stood up and made his way toward the sofa where he sat down beside Buffy and reached up to brush away the tear, then thought better of it. "You shouldn't blame yourself. I shouldn't have put you in that position to begin with."

Buffy looked up at him, tears freely flowing now, "You deserve so much better than me, Riley. If I would have treated you better, you wouldn't have doubted us and we might still be together."

Seeing Buffy crying was breaking Riley's trained, tough exterior. "You were really there that night?"

Buffy nodded, turning away from him.

Riley made a noise that sounded halfway between a chuckle and a cough. "I'm the idiot. I kept telling myself to look down. Something at the back of my mind was screaming at me to do it, but I was afraid. I knew how shattered I would feel if I looked down there and you weren't there and I couldn't handle the rejection all over again. I'm a coward."

Riley buried his face in his hands and Buffy turned to look at him. Carefully, she reached out to touch his knee and he slowly looked up at her. Then they were kissing. It was wet and salty since they had both been crying, but it was comforting all the same. Riley slid his hands into Buffy's hair and she ran her hands up his back, relishing the feeling of him in her arms once more.

* * *

><p>-Three months later-<p>

Buffy quickly dialed Willow's number. She considered sharing the big news with her best friend in person, but she just couldn't wait that long.

"Will, guess what?!" Buffy sputtered as soon as Willow picked up the phone. She could hardly contain her excitement as Willow played along and guessed at what could be making her friend so giddy.

"Alright, you've stumped me, what is it?" Willow asked.

"Riley proposed!" Buffy nearly screamed into the phone.

"And what did you say?" Willow asked, knowing full well what the answer was.

"Yes, of course!" Buffy confirmed Willow's suspicions, "I'm getting married!"

"That's amazing, Buffy! I'm so happy for you." Willow told her friend.

"I know it's kind of redundant to ask since you're my best friend and all, but will you be my maid of honor?" Buffy inquired.

"Of course, I would be _honored_." Willow joked which made Buffy giggle.

After enthusing for a bit about wedding plans, the two said their goodbyes and Buffy began to make another call.

The phone rang a few times before a brash female voice answered, "Hello?"

"Hey Faith, it's me, Buffy," She tried to keep her voice steady so she wouldn't give anything away.

Buffy could tell Faith was smiling as she replied, "What's up, B?"

"Riley and I are engaged!" Buffy exclaimed.

"That's awesome, B. Congrats!"

Buffy bit her lip, bracing herself for what was next, "I know you're not big on weddings, but I was wondering if you wanted to be one of my bridesmaids."

"I'd love to! Anything for my girl," Faith answered.

"Thanks, Faith, you're the best!" Buffy gushed.

"Five by five," Faith's signature response ended the conversation.

* * *

><p>-One year and two months later-<p>

The Finn/Summers wedding summer was held on a warm autumn afternoon. Buffy wore a simple, flowing white gown as she floated down the aisle, arm in arm with Giles, to where her fiancé waited. Standing beside her as she said her vows were the three most important women in her life, Willow, Faith, and Dawn.

"Riley, it's been a winding, emotional journey, but we made it through together. I promise I will always protect you and support you through every bump in the road and ultimatum presented before us," They both shared a smile at this, "I love you, forever and always."

"Buffy, my love for you has always been a little overwhelming. I have never felt anything so true or strong before. I thought I lost you once and every day that we were apart was torture. I will never willingly leave you again so long as I live."

Once the rings were exchanged and the "I do's" were said, they shared a soft, sweet kiss and were declared husband and wife from that day forward.

* * *

><p>Buffy and Riley lived many years happily together surrounded by old friends and family. They raised four beautiful children who each grew up and started families of their own. This was when the couple settled down and retired to live out the rest of their days quietly together.<p>

Buffy always kept in touch with Angel; the two corresponded frequently through email as friends. After Riley died, Angel often drove out to be with Buffy in person.

One night, Buffy asked, "How can you stand to see me like this, Angel?"

"Brokenhearted?"

Buffy shook her head, "Old."

Angel brushed a hand across Buffy's aged cheek. He hadn't noticed it had changed all that much. Sure she looked older, more defined, but she was still the same beautiful slayer he fell in love with so many years ago. "You're not that old, Buffy."

"I'm eighty-nine." Buffy interjected.

"I'm over three hundred. You don't want to play this game with me." Angel replied in a joking tone. They both laughed.

"You know what I mean." Buffy said, making the conversation serious once again.

Angel thought for a moment before making a decision and leaned in to kiss Buffy. It was a hot, passionate kiss like the ones they used to share back in Sunnydale. When he pulled away, Buffy was out of breath, but smiling.

"You can't kiss me like that anymore," She complained.

Angel rolled his eyes, "I was trying to prove a point. You're not too old to be kissed like that."

"That's not what I meant," Buffy argued, "I'm a widow. I have to honor the memory of my husband."

"I don't think a harmless kiss will taint his memory, Buffy." Angel protested.

Buffy shrugged. "Maybe not, but the thoughts that run through my mind when you kiss me like that just might."

Angel smirked. "What kind of thoughts?"

"Angel!" Buffy scolded. Angel held his hands up in defeat.

Buffy nuzzled her face against his neck and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close and never wanting to let her go. He sat with her until he heard her softly snoring away. Carefully, he carried her up the stairs to her bedroom and placed her into bed and quietly let himself out so he could get back to LA before the sun rose.

They met several times over the next few months and when Buffy fell ill, Angel was by her side in a heartbeat. He stayed with her for days, holding her hand. When the end was near, Buffy asked Angel to hold her, which he did. Very gently he lay next to her; one arm was wrapped around her while his other hand held hers. When she asked him to tell her a story, he considered which one to tell, before deciding to recount that forgotten day in LA, only this time he ended it before his deal with the Powers That Be and him and Buffy went on to live a happy, mortal life together.

"That's beautiful, Angel." Buffy gasped, looking up into his eyes as her own began to droop.

"I love you, Buffy." Angel whispered.

"I love you too." Buffy breathed before the light faded from her eyes and they closed as she drifted into oblivion.

* * *

><p>At Buffy's funeral there was a gentle breeze blowing and her ashes were scattered into the wind. Angel stood in the shade of a nearby tree and staked himself and his remains mixed with hers in a brilliant twister of ash and dust.<p>

**A/N: That's it for this fic! Thanks for reading and if you have time, leave a quick review! **


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